I'm sure I'm not the first person to use that phrase for something like this. No matter. I've made up my mind that I'm not going to use this to try and do anything unique or special. If it turns out that way, superb. If not, oh well.
I'm at a point in life when I fear for my future. I'm not in school this semester, which is probably the greatest upset to my life at the moment. The classroom is truly the one place I feel at home, and relaxed. This past summer has been a monumental disruption to the way my life was, and the way I'd hoped it would be. It began well enough, great, in fact. I had enrolled for several summer courses to speed along my graduation (four years in the making, at a community college). Plus, I'd landed a job, granted, nothing glamorous our especially pride-inducing. For me, however, it meant a lot.
Now, I'm jobless (and, naturally, broke), not in school, and struggling with my health again. The midpoint of summer came with the revelation that i may have entered into chronic rejection. Not a death sentence- yet. I may still, and hopefully do, have several years before it progresses to the point of death. But, it saddens me that I'm now spending my days sitting on my ass, playing World of Warcraft, struggling to do any writing (it's vastly discouraging knowing that were I to do any writing, I'd more than likely not receive any money for it).
I feel useless, and like a great burden to my family, and most of all my girlfriend. She doubts how smart she is (though she's smarter than she thinks), but even if she were right, at least she has the dignity of knowing she is working. I feel as if I'm under constant judgment, maybe it exists online in my mind, but I feel it, nonetheless. I fear that even if I do begin writing and being published, I will still be looked down upon.
I'm tired of my life. I may have only a few years left (I'm nearly two years out from a bi-lateral lung transplant). I'm overly medicated. Aside from the medications I have to take to sustain my immuno-suppression, I'm on a pill for depression, social anxiety, and one to help me sleep (zolpidem); oh! And now also oxycodone for arthritis pain (I can't take ibuprofen or naproxen because of my transplant).
I've created this because of the advice of a friend and former teacher, who suggested I blog so as to provide a reference point for prospective publishers who may want to see an example of my writing.
I hope that this represents a shift in the direction of my life. Even if I don't get published, maybe it will at least be a welcome catharsis.
I intend to use this as a means to present political opinions, maybe news stories that have no other means of being published, book reviews, film reviews, television reviews (of the few TV shows I actually partake of). And anything else I may want to spout off about.